The Arch of Conjecture

Today, I want to summarize how we should invest our energy and time as men bought with a price.

We are not our own. We should not be building kingdoms for ourselves. This is a question I ask myself more and more lately. “Am I doing this for me?”

I had a friend in college that liked to discuss complex subjects. We would spend hours discussing everything from music to philosophy to religion. One day, about a year after we had graduated and he had moved to another state we were having an email-debate about religion. He told me that he hated the notion that life was a test…as if we were being graded by some celestial referee based upon our moral performance. At the time, I had a very poor understanding of God’s grace and I may have seemed a little over-confident and perhaps even a bit smug. He regarded my thoughts about absolute truth to be little more than dogma. We lost touch soon after that conversation.

I am certain I did not handle it very well.

While life may not be a test, it certainly can feel like it sometimes. The Bible often compares life to armed conflict, a race, or some other competitive endeavor. Those aren’t tests – but they certainly involve testing. Unlike any test I am aware of, life has a ways of highlighting our strengths and weaknesses daily…and the trial does not end until our lives are over.

The author of the book of Hebrews wrote,
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
~ Hebrews 12:1

I recently told you, son, that there are two of you. While this is not literally the case – figuratively it does a good job of describing the battlefield inside every believer.
“Old Man” wants to build a kingdom is his own honor.
“New Man” seeks the kingdom of God first.
The "Old Man" wants to run his life race for himself.
The "New Man" runs to hear the words "well done my good and faithful servant".

If I make decisions for you with the goal of making me proud of what you become…I am seeking to build my own legacy. In essence, I am using you as a means of building MY own kingdom.

However, if I dedicate your upbringing to the Lord, and pray that God fills in the many gaps in my parenting so that you will become a man that serves Christ sacrificially…I am getting out of God’s way and by doing so I contribute to His kingdom. While I must consider God's kingdom first...his increase will provide a far better ending to MY story than I could ever write for myself.

You see, you boys don’t belong to your mother and me.
We love you profoundly, but you have never been “ours” to boast about. You are assembled of some of the same parts that make me, but I was not responsible for their arrangement or dispensation. Neither are you an accident or product of random actions.
You are the creative result of a careful and deliberate God whose unmatched genius placed you precisely here – precisely now for reasons that may never be entirely clear to any of us. You both belong to Him.

It is my great honor to participate in your life as a father figure. I will do my very best to serve as a conduit for God’s Love and instruction. I will try everyday to show you how to be Godly men…because that is my continuous prayer for you.

I am old enough now to reflect upon the last 25+ years and recognize where the world has changed. Your childhood can not be like mine was. What was once unacceptable has begun to be celebrated. Good has been called evil, and evil is called good. It appears safe to assume the world of your adulthood will be even more depraved and cut off from God’s Word.

It is my job as your father to help prepare you for that eventuality. I am often unsure of myself. It is an awesome task, and I pray that I never take it too lightly. You boys are precious to me and I never want to look you in the eye and know I should have tried harder or thought less of myself. My failure in some respects is guaranteed, but God's grace is sufficient…and like I said before…you belong to Him. He is sovereign.
God will provide for you. He will prepare you for the purposes He has planned.
You may face pitched and desperate battles sooner than we anticipate, but you will never exist outside the palm of His hand.

I created this journal for the two of you because I felt strongly that I should. I plan to stop by every now and then to write some dad-stuff that will mean something to you one day.

You are loved so very, very much!

Your mother and I love you too.